he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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