remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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