Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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