i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
