it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
