just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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