Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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