just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
