So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
