so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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