You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
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I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
We left the knife in your bed.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
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Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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