i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I am mentally ready for anal.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
