We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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