I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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