the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
