I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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