I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
