He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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