Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
