You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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