yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
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