okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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