Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
