she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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