I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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