dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
