Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
