What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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