so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
