Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
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