no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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