matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
