Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
