I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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