HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
