It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
