i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize