I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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