Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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