Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
