I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
