Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
