does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
