i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
