we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
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