if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Banned from zoo.
Again?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
he's gonorrhea incarnate
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
