I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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