you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
