You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
