i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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