it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
