i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
