When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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