but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
