is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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