You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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