you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
