you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
