my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
