i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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