i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
He better not be in your backpack
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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