There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
