Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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