May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
