This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
