Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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