Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
