There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
