The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
