I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
