she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
