He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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