i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Randomize
