I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
