sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
